Little Island just turned 18 on October 3, and it was quite a step for our family. Those of you with grown children are probably quite aware of what it is like to see your first child come of age, and what an emotional time it is. One of the things that Teresa wanted to do for Island was to get his close family members to write a letter containing words of wisdom to him, and give them to him at his birthday party. As you know “Words O’ Wisdom” is my specialty, and I poured my heart into my advice to him. While this particular “Word O’ Wisdom” was written specifically for him, as I read it back to myself, I realize that it is something that I should be sharing with everyone. So read, enjoy, and take it to heart.

Island,

It seems like only yesterday that I held a bald little baby in my arms thinking, “What do I do now?” I never thought that I would start my adult life as a father, but I did, and I couldn’t be happier. You have brought a joy to my life that I could never fully explain, and I can only hope that over these last eighteen years that I have instilled in you the tools necessary to survive and thrive in the journey ahead of you.

It is important that you look at the life ahead of you and view it as such: a journey. Not a path, not a trail, not a road. A journey. Why? Because paths, trails, and roads are predetermined routes, and a journey is not. Along a journey, you can choose to take an individual path, or stray from it. You can choose the known road, or break away and take an unknown trail. You can even leave the known routes altogether and go busting off and explore all new terrain, places that neither you nor anyone else has ever been.

The key to a successful journey is to make sure you are always in control of your journey. You decide which road you’re going to take and when, and don’t let yourself be carried away by a raging river. That is, unless you choose to. You see, you can choose to jump head first into that river and see where it takes you, and that is OK too, as long as it is your choice. Sometimes you’re just as likely to get run over on a well travelled and well known road as find paradise at the end of that raging river. Know the risks and know your expectations for whatever choice you make.

Often, along your journey, you will find yourself in a position to share your journey with other people. The relationships with the people you share your journey with will take many forms: business relationships, friendships, even love affairs. When you find people with whom you think you want to share your journey with, open your eyes and your heart, and make good decisions about whether sharing your journey with them will make your life, and theirs, better. Remember, your life will be full, and you will have the opportunity to share your journey with many people, but don’t waste your time on relationships that don’t benefit both of you. Respect those that you share your journey with, and expect respect from them. Enjoy the people you spend time with and actively seek out the people in the world that share your likes, dislikes, passions, and interests. Distance yourself from those that you can’t, and remember what Thomas Jefferson once said, “An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.” You can never have too many friends, but even one enemy is too many.

Sometimes during your journey, you will find that you need to follow a leader. There is nothing wrong with ceding authority for the direction of your life to another for a time when it is necessary. Sometimes, we can trust the decisions of others more than we can our own, because sometimes other people may have more experience or more knowledge about the road you are currently on. But, if you do give the steering wheel to someone else, do it because you choose to. Follow a leader because you choose that person as your leader. Make an informed choice, and make sure that person knows that he or she can lead you only because you allow it. Lay down the terms of your adherence, and what you expect from your leader. Follow a person only if they lead with a humble heart, with humility, passion, and compassion. And follow a person only if they have the best interest of their followers at heart. But if you do choose to follow someone, respect that person’s authority. Respect their decisions and follow them with resolve. But, the moment that you feel that the person you are following is no longer taking you to a place you want to go, or if you decide that they no longer have the interests of their followers at heart, stop following and retake command of your own journey. Most important, if you follow, follow because you choose to.

Occasionally, during your journey, you will find yourself in a position to lead others. If you do, don’t take that responsibility lightly. When someone looks to you for leadership, first choose whether to accept that role. Decide for yourself whether you accept the responsibility of leadership, and choose who you accept to lead. Lay down the terms of your leadership and what you expect from your followers. If you choose to lead, do so diligently and command respect for your authority. When you lead, seek the knowledge and guidance of others, and make informed thoughtful decisions. Lead with a humble heart, and lead with humility, passion, and compassion. Always keep the interests of your followers at heart. Expect respect for your decisions and demand that they are followed with resolve. Lead because you know your leadership will make your life, and the life of your followers better, and lead because you choose to.

Understand though, that once you take the mantle of leadership, you can no longer walk away from it at your will. By taking the responsibility for the leadership of others, you are dedicating yourself to that position until they give that authority to another leader. Never, under any circumstance, walk away from your followers without guaranteeing that they have found another suitable leader, whether it be themselves, or another.

Hopefully, one time during your journey, you will find a partner with whom you will choose to spend the rest of your life with. When you find her, you will know, and it will change the course of your journey forever. A partnership is a combination of all the roles that I’ve explained before, and deserves and requires every ounce of respect, diligence, humility, passion, compassion and love that you carry in your humble heart. Choose a partner that will make your life better and whose life you can make better. Choose a partner that completes you and makes you a better man. Once you have chosen your partner, every turn in your journey will be chosen together. Together you will decide which road, path, or trail you want to explore. Together you will decide to head off into uncharted territory, and together you will decide whether to jump headfirst into a raging river. Love her, respect her, and seek her knowledge and guidance. Lead her to safety when necessary and follow her to happiness always, and side by side, face the journey of the rest of your lives together. She will be the ultimate prize in your journey, and when you find her, never take her for granted. Take her on dates, no matter how long you have been together, and make every choice you make from then on a choice that benefits her.

Maybe, together you will choose to have children of your own, and one day, years from now, long after you’ve held a beautiful bald little baby in your hands and asked yourself, “What do I do now,” you will watch your own child come of age and become an adult that you can be proud of. When you do, you’ll know that you made the right choices.

I love you, and hope you enjoy the amazing, wonderful journey ahead of you.

Dad.

“They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes.” –Leia Organna-Solo, The Journey of the Whills, as written by George Lucas.

“A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends.” –George Washington

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” –Abraham Lincoln

“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” –Theodore Roosevelt

“A people free to choose will always choose peace.” –Ronald Reagan